Thursday, September 18, 2008

Yeah, we do BUY DAUGHTERS!

Yeah, we do BUY DAUGHTERS, but it really hurts to sell our own little girl to someone else!! Isn't it? Why this hypocrisy?

The pain in her dad's eyes while bidding her good bye, brought this sudden bitterness in my thoughts. I wish I could hold his hands and convince him saying, "Don't worry! Your daughter is very happy with her married life and enjoying it to the best." Alas! I couldn't, because I was well aware of the bitter truth, the trauma that his daughter was going through.

I had just come out of Gurudwara [a place of worship] on a bright Sunday morning. I saw one of my old acquaintances, whom I lovingly call 'Uncle', holding a few currency notes in his hands. He was trying to convince his daughter 'Simran'* [*name changed to protect identity]. He wanted her to take that money from him. Uncle had tears in his eyes and was silent. Silence speaks more than words and especially, when it is full of pain and agony.
Simran, an amazingly beautiful girl now looked like a dead body moving with numbness; hiding her real emotions, as if she had exprienced so much already that she forgot to experience any more emotions.
I could feel a sudden ache in my heart on seeing this pretty girl who was always so full of life, in such a sad state. Simran got married to a well-to-do businessman about 3 years ago. Her family couldn't stop 'bragging' with proud. Her parents thought that she had got the best match in the town despite her being from a lower middle class family having limited sources of sustenance. Simran was on cloud nine and felt that she couldn't have been luckier than this. She got the good match as she was 'extremely beautiful'.
The happiness and charm of this marriage were very short-lived. Simran's dream of a happy married life and her parents' dream of a blissful life for their daughter came down crumbling when the dowry demands from her in-laws suddenly increased.
Simran was being deprived of all the respect that she deserved. She had to bear sarcastic comments on her getting dressed up nicely. She was given the logic that she isn't supposed to wear good clothes as she couldn't bring much wealth to them, her in-laws. She was being questioned on her every move out of the house. She was treated like a maid when she deserved to be treated like a daughter, a wife and a human being who has a heart and a soul - A heart that feels the joy, a heart that feels the pain, a heart that beats. But how could 'heartless' people, her in-laws understand that?
My thought process suddenly got interrupted on hearing Simran say to her father, "Papa, please keep this money with you. Trust me, I am very happy with my in-laws. You use this money for your treatment and stop worrying about me".
After saying this, Simran held her father's hands and directed him to put the money back in his pockets.
What Simran's father said after that shook me to the core! He said, "Simran beta [daughter], my medicine is YOU. Don't lie to your papa. I can see the tears that you are hiding from me. Let me PAY THIS PRICE to your in-laws so that I can buy back your smiles from them!".
I felt so helpless, could feel myself holding my tears on seeing this plight. However, a strong statement from Simran helped me be at little ease. She bid good bye to her dad saying, "Papa, we are not so weak that we'll let people use us for their greedy motives. I shall fight for myself and win this battle rather than giving up to their greed. Wish me luck and give your blessings."

Let us all wake up before we are bound to learn this lesson after selling our own daughters to these greedy monsters!

8 comments:

Prachi said...

very true...... bitter truth of girl's life...

we have to battle our fight on our own.

srishti said...

As alwz Manpreet i get short of words to praise u n ur thoughts...seriously unbeatable they are....keep on writing and sharing...God Bless..

Sane Insane said...

Sell daughters? isnt it the other way round? we 'donate' (kanya-daan) our daughters and also pay for this!

In return we buy pain and suffering.

A beautiful narration indeed with right emotions. you do have a gift with words. Keep writing.

A budding flower.. said...

@ Sane insane:

Yeah, we do sell daughters as well as buy them! We sell our own daughters so that we can get their 'happiness' in return..you've wonderfully used the word 'donate'because we actually end up paying a price for them.

We buy others' daughters and give them pain in return..

In a way we are selling our own sons too for a price!

mepretentious said...

touching indeed..
am sure there are lots of other such stories, hidden behind veils of pretences..

but was happy to see ur frnds strength and optimism..

Sushant Taing said...

People say that with education, narrow mindedness and fanatic mentalities are controlled.

But its not always true. Todays Indian is more educated & qualified and informed than the Indian of the pre 1950s.

But despite most of urban & semi-urban India living in the ICE age (Information, Communication & Entertianmnet), an era of Broadband Internet, Mobile Phones, I-Pods, 24 Hr News Channels, Reality Shows, Malls & Multiplexes and co-educational schools, Social Evils like Dowrey still plague the society.

Well the South Asian mentality is like that. It has always been a Patriarchal society.

Now I'm not a Feminist, hell I am a Straight Man myself. My position is that, the fact is that most South Asian people value female children less than male children. This is a lamentable fact but a fact nonetheless. I did not dictate that people value girls less. I am taking that as given and (at least for the present) unalterable fact. Breast beating may feel good but will do little to alter that fact. Altering that fact would be an end that all right-thinking people devoutly wish for. It may take a few generations. Until then, what is the most humane way to deal with the problem. Do millions of unwanted girls have to suffer inhuman neglect?

I mean just because someone has a male child, they have a Divine right to demand money from their in laws. I find this patheic. Simran's in laws being an affluent business family prove the fact that Dowrey is not limited to the illitrates in remote villages.

How would I feel if I were in the place of a girl who was beaten, malnourished, worked nearly to death, neglected, not loved, not had even the shadow of the prospect of a decent human existence and then married into a family where I'm treated worse than that? I would rather wish that I was never born.

“In India, some are born to sweet delight, some are born to an endless night.”

Kudos to you Manpreet for such a brilliant write up. Keep on doing the excellent job of writing Fearlessly. Rather than hypocrities like Sushma Swaraj, Jayanti Natrajan & Brinda Karat crying out loud for Women's Reservation bill in Parliament, the Indian women needs a visionary enlightened thinker like you Preet to make reforms for the Indian female in the society.

Gosh, I've said too much. I'm not a man of few words you see. And I've not been Flattering you.

Cheers

Shawn from Orkut

Abhishek N Sharma said...

A touching portrayal of a bitter truth in our society..

I would say that "Fathers of your daughters" don't give your daughters to people who are "poor" (all those who demand a dowry are). Give your daughters to those who are rich, rich at heart & values.

In today's society it will not be very difficult to find good families, but as always it takes time to find if someone is really good. Fathers need to evaluate families thoroughly. Use their brains and intuition.. and not be blinded by outward appearances..

Ways to evaluate a family..
See how a family behaves towards
1) Beggars..
2) Servants..
3) All people in lower economic strata.
4) Those who are in higher economic strata.
5) daughters

If a father doesn't do these things.. he is definitely not doing his duty towards his daughter.

I am not trying to blame the "daughter-in-law family" here but am simply trying to say that prevention is better than cure. An unmarried daughter would be better than a badly married daughter.. I am sure most of people would concur...

Thats a lot to say..

keep up good work "angels"....

With Best Regards,
~Abhishek

T and S said...

This is heights of atrocity and its unfortunate that it still continues in our country.

Your post is thought provoking and very well written as well.

Congrats to you on dealing with such issues on your blog.